the broader your mind grows,

the narrower your range of options inclusive of the term 'partner' get. Or 'yaar' as I prefer it.

only half present, anyway

There is a certain fear before putting on a cloak of invisibility. You wonder if you'll be forgotten. Is the peace worth being lost? More importantly, is being forgotten worth the deafening chaos of inner quiet?

The world outside will always speak but lost things are forgotten. Some might wonder but everyone moves on.

Remember, when you take it off, you'll still be in the same place. Your existence just won't have the same place anymore.

Incoherent thoughts aid visibility.

from preadulthood to infancy

I do remember falling in love at 14 with a dark-eyed pretty girl. I remember smiling to myself, full of plans to propose to her when I'd get older, thinking about how I'd talk her out of the idea, or desire, of having 12 children. I blame Karan Johar.

But immeasurable distance and arguments over nonsensical Bollywood films had taken their toll; she faded into incapacity. This is the only other time I can recall as being anywhere near the idea of romance in my life.

I remember gloating around my friends, vaunting how I was above their petty love-affairs and wrist-cuttings, which, at best, lasted for a year. I was content single, comfortable in the indisputable logic that 'single' was not synonymous with 'alone'.

Romantic inexperience stretched on for four more years and then bam, you told me you were an interest(ed/ing, both apply) romantic.

(Unmentionable conversations in the negative space).

I have a love song blasting in my ears and each lyric is registering. This is why I resent you: for this introduction to romantic meanings.

I resent you for taking me by a reassuring, warm hand into this goddamned territory (literally God damned!), pronouncing me unqualified for I was too much of a newborn (snort, really) and deserting me unfed.

I refuse to re-birth. I am too weak to be pushed out. I will not wail; I choose to remain blue for a while more.

Eventually, everyone must (re)surface.

Remember, resentment is never synonymous with hatred.

Words not said to your face have much more life, unmet by refusal and rejection.

God damn disbelief (place your commas as per preference).

disconnection halfway through

Sigh. Today's post is going to be about a teenage issue. Sort of. But yes, I should remember that I myself am a teenager :) Never forget your age. And if some stuck-up kid comes and tells you that age doesn't matter, smile smugly because you've read this blog and know better. Age does matter, even if you've interacted with adults all your life and think your intelligence level is much higher than many of those older than you, which it truly may be. But age does matter. Grr, this wasn't what I wanted to write about. Another post for age and age-ists. Let me get to the point?

Hmm, I don't want to get to the point. No teenage help for you today, sir. None, I say. I have a lot on my mind and emptiness for my mood, so, maybe later.

I'll probably delete this post later but here's to hoping that this will survive the image issues.

Work around the age part. You can.